Family normally provides you with security, safety and supportive acceptance. A form of symbiosis in action that is interdevelopmental. Conflicts generally arise from unfulfilled expectations but there may also be generational aspects of family problems, so the past needs to be resolved to make today workable. Is there a role for prayer here?
The right place to start fixing things is by first fixing yourself because there is little success in trying to fix someone else. Building a stong personal foundation will be most valuable.
The family’s historical role of protection or love-source-as-a-last-resort is fading and people are now choosing who their families are and asking that nurturing be the focus for adult children. With the pressure off the family as the sole-source of a person’s life, the option to build a community of like-minded individuals is now available we see this in particular where people relocate in foreign countries. Success in an individual’s personal growth still is somewhat dependant of restoring healthy family relationships, then building community relationships. So it is wise to focus on strengthening your family.
The 10 Steps To Strengthening Your Family*
- “Get” that families are people, are not perfect and are probably learning how to be better. “Get” that families are not there to give you everything you deserve or need; that they need love and your support.
- I’ve done everything possible to restore any family relationships which hurt me. I have established proper boundaries that are honored by most and it is okay with me not to spend time with any family members who pain me.
- I have owned up to my role in problems between me and other family members and have reconciled my part; given the others a chance to reconcile with me, whether successful or not. I am accepting my responsibilities.
- I operate from choice vs obligation or duty when doing things for my family. It is my desire and not my burden to contribute to the family in whatever capacity I am capable of doing.
- I have nothing negative or unresolved with any of my children and have encouraged them to grow with unconditional acceptance of me and others.
- I have nothing negative or unresolved with my spouse as we fully support each other in caring for the family.
- I have nothing negative or unresolved with an ex having forgiven the past after accepting my responsible roles in any conflict.
- I have nothing negative or unresolved with a sibling.
- I have nothing negative or unresolved with a parent.
- I have nothing negative or unresolved with a relative.
Now these steps can materialise real changes by designing 3 mini-projects which will strengthen your personal family foundation. The momentum created by these 3 mini-projects will open the door for all around restoration and strengthening of the family.
God created the family model, that we should marry and have children. He set the rules for obedience and mutual understanding. The family is the best example of God’s desire for humanity to live and prosper here on Earth. God’s example of forgiveness is how families will stay strong.
Yours in Real life,
(*framework from writings by Thomas Leonard)